I like planning and daydreaming. A lot. My airbnb apartment wishlist is chock-full of places I’ve never been to, I regularly check for flight fares I can’t afford, and I am constantly making plans to visit cities (that aren’t even that far away), knowing full well I probably won’t get around to it.
I also tell myself, hey, I love my camera, I like doing YouTube videos, I’m going to film and photograph LOADS the whole trip!! … and then I don’t.
Thing is, planning raises expectations, and when those expectations aren’t met, you get this nagging feeling in your stomach that you’re not using this trip as much as you should. It’s dreadful. I despise it. But I am constantly torn between wanting to make the most of the time that I have in a place that I don’t get to see very often, and trying to tell myself that I’ve got plenty of time, and after all, it’s totally not important if I do get to do the things I planned.
End of August, I did a 7-day trip to London. A whole week in one of my favourite cities! So much time to do so many things! Film all the things! Eat all the things!
But the more time passed, the more frustrated I became. Most of my sparse video footage is of my friends’ backs as we’re walking from one Tube exit to another, or from our feet while we’re sitting on a train. And don’t even get me started on the (lack of) pictures. I was frustrated with the food options, which either weren’t convenient, vegetarian, or tolerable for my stomach (#spoonieproblems). I was frustrated with my planning, because the weekend we were there was the last summer holiday AND bank holiday weekend, plus the Notthing Hill carnival (and guess where we were staying). I was frustrated with my body, because I got a nasty cold on the second day that lasted the whole trip (and for another week back home).
All in all, as much as it pains me to say, this trip felt like a waste of good money to me. And I don’t even know what I could’ve done differently – I can’t exactly prevent falling ill. I guess what I can change is my attitude. I need to realise that things don’t always work out as I planned, and I need to just get out my camera, damn the inconvenience, damn slowing our group down, damn the looks. I won’t get any better or any more comfortable doing it by keeping my DSLR in its bag and whining afterwards that I didn’t film enough.
Or, you know, the other option would be to just enjoy whatever I’m doing, without pressuring myself to document it. (But that’s not really worth lugging a heavy camera around, now is it)
And hey, I am already saving up for the next London trip. I promised myself I’d make it to the next Summer in the City. It’s a bit ridiculous that I missed it by about 5 days this time around.